After 1.5 years...

And so, the time has come again, for my annual performance appraisal in this company. Last year’s appraisal was meaningless, cos’ it was a stranger who did our appraisal. Kinda defeats the whole purpose of having an appraisal, but that’s my company for you. My direct supervisor will be doing my appraisal this year round, so I’m feeling a little bit more excited now. Afterall, it’s like getting your year-end report card back in old school days. I’m hoping for good comments of course, even though, ahem, I have plans of leaving this company. It’s not cast-and-stone yet, but I doubt my decision will change, at the way things are looking at right now.

Sigh, it’s back to the jobhunting-interviewing-worry-here-and-there cycle. About a year ago, I thought I would have figured out what I really wanted to do, after getting some work experience – you know, the enlightenment. But sadly, this Company gave me none.

Decisions!

Random Thoughts...

Was texting an old friend recently. Rather surprised at how nonchalant she can be. Hmm… we have drifted apart, really.

4208/4209 - 4D inspiration anyone?

Just came back from the much awaited batam adventure with the same o’ sec gang. It’s filled with games, tidbits, not-that-comfortable massage, funky pants, random dreams, bag/grapes/drinks shopping, leaking air-con, eerie blood stains on wall, coordinated and for some, not so coordinated kayaking and attempts-to-get-free-breakfast. My personal favorite is still the funky pants.

Other than aching neck and shoulders, the trip was awesome! But sadly, it’s back to reality again. I’m having much trouble keeping awake, and hence this blog entry. There’s supposed to be this meeting with boss, but I think he’s too busy for me yet again. Now that it’s 3pm, I doubt the meeting is materializing. Gosh, I’m feeling so lethargic. But I’m so not feeling guilty at all, cos’ I have friends with 2 days MC. LOL!

Managed to grab some photos from facebook - Noticed the lack of photos. I guess camwhoring depreciates too.


feeble attempt at playing games - read: we went to sleep shortly after




just when we thought we outsmart the hotel staff, we were exposed :(


tired smiles?


yes, tired smiles.

work makes the world go round

I haven’t been updating this blog of mine for quite some time. Mostly because I’m pretty much pre-occupied with the some stuffs – Tennis, Korean Lessons and Post-Tennis Chillax Sessions. And partly because I’m lazy to blog.
But I do have something different to blog about today! It’s about work, and for a change finally, it’s something pleasant! In my previous entries, I mentioned about my plan to have a chat with boss, to bring to his attention my fate in this company – whether I would still be watching the world go by. So there I was drafting my email to him, getting teo to vet through my grammar, and to paraphrase such that I don’t sound too grouchy, but instead appear rather hopeful and positive. When I’m finally done and was about to send the email over, boss sms-ed me saying we got a new project – talk about coincidence!

Ahhh… is this really like the Chinese saying - 等久就有.

There’s isn’t such a saying of course. But I don’t care, cos’ I’m a happy girl right now. :D

swating flies (no more) -part 2

It’s bluey Monday yet again. Until now, I still can’t fathom why weekends just zoom pass like that, while weekdays drag on painfully, when actually, I’m not doing anything for both. Mathematically speaking, one can argue that weekends have just 2 days, but you get the drift.

Before I go on whining over work again, I shall blog about last Friday’s happy tennis session! I’m definitely not a sporty person but I’m so enjoying the regular tennis games. I really feel the joy when I got some nice shots over, something I don’t derive from other sports like badminton or bowling. Not to mention the nice “pak” sound when the stroke is right! And of course, the delightful company from teo! I shall cut the “oh-I’m-so-grateful-to-you” talk and..yah, thank you so much for teaching me tennis! We also manage to get kaifen into the “tennis-gang” and I think she has no choice but to continue coming cos’ our tennis balls are with her. Otherwise, we already have a backup plan of hiding in the bushes and “borrowing” home-run balls. (I hope that doesn’t happen, I can’t imagine what insects are hiding with us at the same time)

I’m proud to say that after 10 weeks of rigorous (okay, almost rigorous) tennis training, I think I’ve made quite a significant improvement! I mean, the probability of balls crossing the net is higher now (no, I don’t mean those home-run shots), my strokes are getting natural, and I have those nice back-hand shots once in a while. So…yes, there’s improvement! Hopefully, it will just get better!

Ahh! I just realized that we didn’t have any photos of pre, during, or post tennis sessions. I shall remember to do that this coming Friday. My hands are itching for tennis already. Can’t wait! Oh! And I’m having my first Korean class today! I hope it’s not dull and muggish. I think I have enough of that in Chemical Engineering. Wait for my updates!

**My boss just informed me that the proposal for bid extension is rejected. “We can shut-down now” Gosh, I’m so loving my boss.

Hear me roar!

Yet another attempt to splash some color into my otherwise mundane life (yes, work is simply not fulfilling, sadly). Decided to take up a Korean Language class at some community centre (read: cheap) every Monday. It’s not confirmed yet since I haven’t registered, but it’s more or less there. I’m just waiting for the stamp of approval from my dear friend.

I’m feeling both sad and happy at the prospect of having Korean class. Sad, because I’m resorting to taking various classes to spice up my life simply because work is not exciting at all. Shan’t lament too much over work life, but I can’t wait to break free from it. Happy, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do, but never really got down to materializing it. And since it’s a Monday class, hopefully it will help to take away some of the blues on a gloomy Monday.

On a random note, I think it’s time to take control over my work life. I’ve decided to talk to boss about my unfulfilling work life in April. No more sit and wait kinda attitude. I don’t wish to waste my life away when I could be doing stuffs more enriching. At the very least, I need to feel that I’m constantly improving myself. It’s just not happening here and I’m feeling very frustrated over it.
Wish me luck. Cheers!

maid fetish?

Gosh, I’m actually feeling excited over my company’s dnd that’s held tomorrow! The theme for the event is pirates, so technically speaking, we’re supposed to turn up for the event dressing like pirates. Initially, I wasn’t planning to dress up at all, was thinking of just wearing some beach dress and slippers and that’s it. Cos’ that will be very convenient AND cost-saving – no need for make-up, no need for hair styling, no need to throw money to rent the costume. The most I’m going to do is to pin up a mega flower at the side of my hair.

But a few days ago, my colleague managed to persuade me to go to the costume shop with her – I agreed cos’ it’s not nice to be such a wet blanket, and why not, it’s just some sight-seeing. But ahhhh, how very wrong I was. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I joined the hype of dressing up too! But I’m not dressing up as a pirate…but as a MAID instead. I know! It doesn’t fit the theme at all, but I didn’t fancy any of the pirate stuffs. Instead, I got all excited over the maid dresses – haha, my silent fetish!

Gosh, now I have to fuss over the hair and the make-up, wondering how to make it to the dnd venue without people gawking at me. Roarrs, so much trouble!! But I guess it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing (I hope), so I’ll just dive in and have fun! But for now, I’m still wondering where to get cheap-AND-good make-up and hair styling. I’m so unwilling to spend!! This is such a rubbishy and bimbotic matter to be fussed about, but I can’t help but fret over it!

Alrights, back to work, I’m praying that Boss doesn’t dump work on me now. It’s tennis with teo later again!

Swating Flies!

Woots, I had my first tennis session of the year yesterday! The weather was good, the tennis balls were brand new, the tennis racket was newly strung, but...my stamina was lousy. Lucky that I did some runs recently, else I would have collapsed much sooner. As for the tennis, it wasn't that bad as I would have expected, at the very least I managed to hit the balls over! Muahahaha! In fact, I personally felt that some shots are quite nice! Let's see... teo and I managed to have a total of...SIX consecutive shots. Not a big deal to brag about, but hey, cut me some slack, I'm a beginner! But I'm sure it will get better! And teo managed to trick 2 more people into joining our future tennis sessions. This just means we dont have to keep picking up balls (share the load!)

I feel like playing tennis again this Sunday, really want to get the momentum up and running (before CNY strikes and I start getting fat and lazy again). But gosh, my body is aching. No, I'm old, it's just the lack of exercise.

On a totally random note, Boss is saying I could go home now (that's like 3pm). Drats. If only he's the only one in this company. I'll prolly be much happier.

And back to the topic of tennis, think I'll post up photos only when I've become a pro. Ney to noob shots in my blog!

with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Quite contrary to what the title seems to suggest, this entry is all about my beloved, endearing friends!

We had our annual chalet last Saturday, and there's nothing out of the ordinary. We nua-ed while waiting for dinner, had our yusheng, had the usual birthday celebration with cake from oh-so-cheap-but-nice-SweeHeng, amused ourselves with low-smoke sparkles, pictionary, monopoly games (which I happily fell asleep already). There's really nothing out of the blue, but who cares, we certainly had lots of fun, laughter and joy! (:

I really love this gang, for there's no pretence, no deceit, just true, true friendship. I may not talk to all of them regularly, not have periodic meet-ups, but I know they will be there for me, always. And it's really heart-warming to know that. I know this friendship will go on forever and ever, cos' that's what true friendship is all about!

I shall cut the nostalgia, and let the pictures do the talking!

And teo, thanks for the souvenirs, they're lovely! (:

I'm a superstar!

I went for my first play-by-ear music lesson today! Was feeling rather apprehensive cos' it was a one-to-one session and it just feels so weird for me (i mean i'm usually the one tutoring others haha!) But it turned out fine! In fact, I felt really happy cos' I'm learning stuffs that I'm really interested in. And I like the feeling of self-improvement, something I failed to experience in work (sadly). So being a excited newbie, there I was practising faithfully on my piano earlier. Hopefully, this will continue (afterall, the lessons don't come cheap) and I can start playing more beautiful music. It's finally time for me to shine and stop wallowing in self-pity in the audience!

Shall post up related pictures soon!

A New Beginning

The year has finally ended and it’s time for new resolutions! I actually don’t have the practice of making resolutions but I think it’s time to ditch the see-how-later-decide mentality. I need a plan and I shall go by it religiously!

First up: Become a happier person! Year 2010 has been especially difficult with all the design project stuffs, tiresome job hunting, and the demise of my dear father. I think it’s probably the lowest point of my life (I hope that’s just it!) but it shall go lower no more! No more sulking, no more whining, no more emotional roller-coaster! In fact, for a start, I’ve abandoned the former blogskin for a chirpy-looking one to perpetually remind myself to be a happier person!

Second: Get a life babe get a life! The 8-to-5 monotony is slowly sinking in, and yes! I shall waddle out of this sandpit (yes I know, it’s not scientifically right) by injecting some color to my life. I’ve already signed up for this play-by-ear music class, so I’ll be attending lessons every Saturday. This has been something I’ve wanted to do but somehow, something, somewhere went wrong. The power of procrastination! I hope it’s money well-spent though, the lessons certainly aren’t cheap.

Third: Exercise! Swing the fats away! My barbolat tennis racket is collecting dust and honestly, the dust looked thick. Shudders. But yep, it’s time to get the balls rolling! I don’t know if it’s a good enough motivation, but I’ve already bought my tennis skirt! And it’s seriously tiny (I wonder if I can still fit in).. so hopefully that will remind me to get in shape.

Last by not least, towards the end of year 2011, I need to start hunting for jobs. Training bond will be up by then, and it’s time to put my career in perspective. Hopefully by then I’ll really understand what I want to do and it’s work work work! The money better start rolling in too!

That’s all, for now. I guess it’s not formidable list but it’s a start! I’m pretty sanguine about year 2011, definitely a good start! (:

Bring it on!

Urgh, I had a hard time trying to log into my blogspot account. For some crap reason, blogspot says my username cannot be found, when that is the username that blogspot sends to my hotmail! I don't know why, but when something bad happens, it seems to trigger off the bad luck effect, and every thing just frustrates the hell out of me.

I hate myself for being so emotional, so fragile, so.. weak. And yet, I just can't control myself. I feel so helpless. And in face of all these troubles, I stand alone. I do have close friends..but who do I speak to? How do I even begin. To the world outside, I may look strong, strong enough for my mother, strong enough to carry out my responsibilities, strong enough to live life as per normal.

But no, I'm crumbling, literally. I may have aged physically, but within this mortal shell, I'm still a child. A child who lost her father. No correct that. A child abandoned by her father. It's the fact, it's the truth, the unspeakable truth.

Within a day, I'm forced to grow up, but have I? It's so tough..it really is.

Somehow I feel that I'm a changed person. I'm not longer the optimistic happy girl. And dad, you changed me.

I am so sick and tired of all these, I truly am. All these unfortunate events, they just keep coming. Until this very moment, I have no idea why he chose to end it this way, but do I really want to know the truth? It's just heart-wrenching to be abandoned but there's just no time to wept, to cry, to grieve. So many responsibilities, waiting to be carried. How many times have I tried to remain strong. And yet, met with failures, again, again, and again. I'm falling apart. Perhaps, that's the truth I've been finding all these while.

smelly fat smelly!

Friends around me would know that I'm madly in love with my hamsters cos' I keep forcing them to look at the pictures of my dear hamsters that I've snapped using the laopok LG phone. Now that I have all the free time in the world (not for long though ): starting work tomorrow!! gasped!!!), I shall post up pictures of my hamster-Smelly (Yes, smelly is the name) here! And they are all taken using a good old proper camera! It's hard to take photos of Smelly though, she's really fast and agile, even with all those fats.

Out of boredom, I read my past blog entries, and it surprised me to see that most of the time, I was usually very tired from mugging. Well, I know mugging is tiring physically, but why am I that mentally drained. I guess I do put my heart and soul into it. Too much that I'm missing out, big time. No CCA, no SEP, no hippy nightlife (maybe there's this party side in me) etc etc. But I'm not going to whine too much here, cos' at the very least, I get decent grades.

The point is, I shall strive to make my dear life a tad more interesting.

1) More holidaying! More road trips! Helllooooo Europe! I'll come for you. SOON!

2) Sports. Might as well, since I'm low on blood pressure, better do some sports. Swimming and tennis!

3) Enjoy working life to the fullest. That sounds pretty muggish, but hell yes, I'm going to do it!

4) Embark on a good business plan! *waves at eejun.

Shan't be ambitious so that's all for now. But do them, I will!!!

Went to sign the contract today. Deal sealed. No room for incessant worrying. But still, I cannot help but worry here and there. Worry that I'll screw up again, like my internship. Worry that I cannot get used to the environment. Worry this. Worry that. Argh! I'm so sick of myself!!!

Please Xinling! Just relax, enjoy and everything will be fine! I think I have done enough worrying for these 4 years, or in fact, my whole blardy life. From today onwards, I ought to reward myself by stop being so paranoid and worry unduly.

Target set. Gogogo!

I want to smile! and keep smiling!

YAYS! After going through gazillions of interviews, I finally got myself a job!! I'm so happy, cos' it's something I wanted, and the pay is decent! While I'm not too excited about the everyday 8 to 5 working hours, the thought of rotting at home unemployed makes me contented.

I'm really happy now cos' it has been a long depressing period. The rejection calls, and not to mention while I was in Aussie, I felt so angry with myself when I couldn't attend the jobsconnect career fair. But all those rejection trainings definitely paid off. When I think back, my interview skills really suck.

New beginning, new hope!

Till then, I shall enjoy and play!!!

Woah! Finally completed my FINAL exam in university (hopefully). But I didn't feel super happy. I guess I'm already used to this mug-exam-yays cycle that I don't really feel a thing. It has been the most tiring sem ever. I feel I've aged so much so much, both mentally and physically. I'm so glad it's all over, but looking at what lays ahead of me, I guess I'll definitely miss school. The freedom, the carefree-ness, and maybe, the mugging. It's crazy how fast these 4 years just zoom past. And looking back, I do enjoy my university life. It's a pity I didn't join any CCA, but the summer programme definitely made up for it. I'm so glad I decided to go for it afterall. It's just 6 weeks, but I think it really made a difference to my life.



I feel so lost now that I'm about to enter another phase of my life. Keep sending out resumes when at times, I don't even know what I really want. And it's getting a little depressing when rejection keep coming and coming. But I'm beginning to look at the brighter side. Every rejection makes me stronger, and I'm getting used to the interviews. And right now, I'll just keep my fingers crossed.



Woah, on a totally random note, I'm flying off to Australia tomorrow! 20 days vacation after 4 years of mugging! It just isnt fair but still I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! I have always wanted to go Australia even though alot of people have been telling me it's boring there. Quite interestingly, it's all because of a channel 8 drama! I even remember certain scenes and action (now i know why i couldnt remember all those chem engin stuffs). And on a bimbotic note, I borrowed a black trench coat from my aunty. Even bought black big sunglasses to go with it. And yes, my nails are painted in hot pink already!



Australia, here i COME!

And jobs, COME to me!

Feeling apprehensive about tomorrow's interview. And I guess this apprehensiveness is churning out negative emotions in me. I feel terrible now.

Used to think I have a bunch of close knitted friends in university. I really do, and I feel both proud and lucky to have this gang of people around me cos' it seems that university friends usually fall into the 'acquaintance' category, or a little more than acquaintance perhaps. So it feels great to have friends to whine over university woes together, to celebrate birthday for you, and most importantly, to care for you. I thought this bond was strong, but still, it failed to withstand the force of competition, at least in my contention. With time, with exams, with projects, with job interviews, I see the true colors. I see jealousy, I see anger, I see aversion. Not even a simple, how are you.

It's not about being sensitive or paranoid. It's a fact, it's screaming out loud, just a choice of denial or facing the truth.

Embrace challenge.

Sigh.